I want control!

For those of you how know me well, I feel it is safe to say that I get these ideas stuck in my head and I just can't let it go. In a seconds notice I can be self motivated to do something that hadn't even crossed my mind the moment before. Now sometimes I finish these things and other times I do it for awhile and get my feel and then I am over it (ex: my lets hike every Saturday this summer craziness!). So what is this new thing I just can't get out of my head?

Well I feel I should start with this, when Trevor and I were talking about when we would be ready for another baby, he said "are you sure you want to get sick again?" I told him I was ready for it, and yes I have been sick this time around (at least 2 times a day) but I feel that I have dealt with it way better then I did with Patrick. Maybe it is easier or maybe I am trying hard to not let it throw me, I don't know.

A few days ago I got the rare opportunity to sit down and watch Oprah, I almost never watch anymore, cause it is on everyday, I don't have that kind of time to dedicate to one show. But I always feel so good after watching her shows especially when Dr. Oz is on. I am saying stuff like: "I need to eat better..., I know I can do it this time..." I end up making some subtle change in my life, and learn lots of useful info. So this episode was about taking over our bodies, not only how we should eat, but also live, things to be tested, having a health advocate, just lots of stuff. I had to write it all down, set some goals and then decided that I wasn't going to bombard myself (because then we give up), I was just going to make things happen, I want to feel like I know my body and can take control of it.

Today Trevor and I went for a bike ride down to the library. We hadn't planned on getting anything, just dropping of. But while there I had to go take a look. I decided I would finally read one of Dr. Oz's books, I got 2, not sure which to read first. While getting the book another book jumped out at me. "Living Well With Migraine Disease and Headaches". So I made sure to grab that...

I have suffered from Migraines since I was a little girl. Maybe they would say different, but, I don't think my parents really believed me because I suffered with them SO MUCH. They told me I could take a Tylenol, but I learned early on that my body is not at all phased by the Acetaminophen. So most of the time I had to figure out a way to power through, use a wet towel, throw up, and by far most effective given a Priesthood Blessing from my dad. In my parent defence, I not only had Migraines I also had crazy leg pain a lot and in high school I also started to have chronic nose bleeds, they could come from both nostrils at the same time and last for hours, just wouldn't clot. Lucky for me we eventually found away to fix that, I had my nose cauterized. Anyway, to this day I still suffer from migraines. Sometimes I feel that if you haven't had one you really can't understand how horrible they are, and even then there are so many different types and some are worse then others, so you may still not understand how horrible they can be. From reading this book I think I suffer from 3 different type of headaches- Retinal Migraines, Cluster Headaches, or Tension Headaches. Tension Headaches are the only type of headache I feel I can semi function through. I really want to write the definitions of these headaches but I feel I am taking a lot of space already, so if anyone is interested in the definitions let me know and I will post then in the next post. So I haven't finished the book yet, obviously, since I have to plan my lesson for primary tomorrow. But with 36 pages I have read so far I feel like I have been given lots of knowledge, and knowledge my friends is POWER. I have the power to run these migraines and all other things happening to my body, instead of letting them run me!

So I am going to be a busy little reader, I have 3 great powerful books to read, I am going to find things to change in my life and see the results. I am going to get a copy of my medical records and really learn my medical history, just so I can take control. After I have the baby next year I want to test my Thyroid and any of the other stuff on my checklist to make sure I KNOW where my health is at now, so I can KNOW if something is off in the future. I want to live and live well. I am so excited for this new vision and I hope that it will remain clear to me why I am doing it...because I want to live my best life! I want to take as much control as the Lord will allow me to have.

Before I finish I must take the oppurtunity to thank those of you have helped me through my horrible headaches. In this book she mentions that through illness you can really learn who your friends are. I so feel this to be true, thank you those of you who watch my children when I just can't even do anything anymore, for those of you who show compassion and comitment as I struggle through these thank you! Many time I feel like I would rather be dead then living through this headache, there are times when I am all numb and near passing out, where I am just sobbing cause the pain is so intense. I have had crapy doctors in the past, one who didn't ask questions just said try this medication. I said "do you think I should have some test done, maybe an MRI or something to make sure there isn't a tumor or something that causes them?" he said "your migraines can't be from a tumor because you would be dead if it was" ok idiot! So for all of you out there, you know who you are, thank you for all you do for me when I am at my lowest point, thank you, thank you, thank you!